After living with 3 roommates who are so differently aka they like to have parties in the room while I didn't so I was fortunate enough to have a switch. now i live with a cantonese girl she is very respectful so i live a peaceful dorm life now! All is good.
All I do everyday is walk to class, feel tired, feel hungry, eat, study, sleep. But i do try to make it to the Asian culture Association and Chinese Cultural Club meetings. I am also joining fencing for the first time.
I have met a really nice group of friends mostly indian and filippina. Too bad they don't live in my building so i don't get to see them but the school is not so big so i see them around. And we are all in the same clubs.
I can't say I love college life because it is hard but I think it'll be fine and can get better once I am more confident in my academics.
all is good for now! : )
I however have sold my soul to the nursing curriculum. I am taking General Biochem for allied health (which is easier than the real biochem), Anatomy and Physiology (everyone says I will die from that), Genetics (easier ,it's freshman seminar) and Sociology(liberal learning not too hard).
Man, I am dying already. I hate biochem. i have my 1st exam monday. i better NOT do bad. but i feel like i know nothing since I failed my last quiz on friday with a 45%. I have a lab partner that knows equal to or less than me which doesn't help. we stand there clueless and unlike high school the professor doesn't walk around to help you, you just go to it.
I study all the freakin time and don't even know if my method for studying is right or if the stuff i study will be on the test.
I am so stressed out because Failing/doing bad means Repeat the classes, not able to advance in the major, paying extra money and EXTENDING THE LENGTH OF COLLEGE. so much at risk !!!!!!!!!!
I am borderline freaked out. really stressed, feel like quiting but i won't and can't.
god help me make it through.
They make us do forced fun things which isn't that great. and there were a few mandatory talks about drugs, alcohol and sexual assult.
my 3 other roommates are totally different from me, way totally. more social, more hanging out. so i will have to work that out with them so it's somewhat suits my quiet unique lifestyle that includes pretty much hanging with a small group, internet, dramas and boybands.
SO SO SO much stuff has been. the reason I kinda forgot about LJ is because of life. I am leaving for college next week. I am a nursing major after wanting to be a doctor since I was eight then switched to nursing then switched to undecided to international relations and then after convincing much thought and convincing suggestions from the parents, I am a NURSING major now. I do like the fact that when i wanted to be a doctor and a nursing back in early high school, I was so FOCUSED. So I am looking forward to get back my focus cause when I didn't know what I wanted to do and during the period when I wanted to be international relations, I wasn't as focused or as goal oriented. I hope it sticks but I don't know if it's the path to follow. Then again, I am a teenager, if I had life my way I would be traveling the world, fangirling and looking for hot guys as career.
This summer, I worked an average of 6 hours Monday- Thursday and some weekends. So busy and so not fun. Funny story but not really. My mom thought and I also agreed that to help pay for some college stuff I should find a job with good money grabbing power like waitressing because you make tons in tips easily. So she got me a waitressing job at a local japanese own Japanese restaurant though the chinese newspaper listing.
It wasn't a good idea. I didn't make much because I am not the waitress type just too much fast paced stuff and memorization that I was not interested and not motivated enough to memorized. I only worked 3 hours a day, 4 days a week so learning was a bit slow since I had another job at the same time. Highlights:
1) very strict japanese owner, rather cold but nice i guess. just very into his business.
2) very nice owner's wife. Man, she was so nice, never yelled or anything. she represents japan well.
3) weird chinese chef that creeped me out by offering to buy me a car, asking me to dinner and once i was like " 1 order of ... and 1 order of......" he motioned me to kiss his cheeks. Yuck, whatever man scary. but he was nice minus the creepiness
4) the owner's wife was nice but the other japanese old waitress was a BITCH. She made me HATE japan and all things japanese. A nitpicker, a domineering woman, critical, a bossy person and insulted my intelligent. She was the reason why I hated the job. Because she was the oldest person in the place, she gets things her way. I worked for 6 hours one night and got a share of 21% in tip, unheard of because she commented that "Jing can't handle things alone". Trust me I did my share. When i clean, she walks around me and points to every little dirty spot that I have to clean. and many many other things she did and said to me.
I don't think I will ever have to courage to go back to waitress again. I am scared and fearful of being insulted and demoralized.
College:
i have 3 roommates. They are nice girls from their facebooks. I don't know how it will work out living with 3 americans when i have never lived with any americans. They are not the type that would have been my friends in high school in other words, unlike my group of friends. They seem more main stream american girls. aka the "popular" type. That's just from the facebook so anything is possible when we meet.
I will be taking Genetics, Anatomy& Physiology, Sociology and Allied Health Biochem. I basically didn't get to choose my classes cause nursing requires A&P and Biochem 1st semester. Genetics was given to me as a seminar and Sociology was the only classes that fitted my schedule to make it a 16 credit.
My biggest fear is not getting along with my roomies or they all get along but not with me. Afraid of not doing well in very hard science classes because i sure do have a tight schedule. I am just hoping for the best with college. Hopefully everything will be ok.
And My sister is only 7 so i will miss her like CRAZY. i don't want to go away from here or my parents even if it is only 45 minutes. yeah overall, not too excited for college.
YUCKS! life!
Graduated last night. Project graduation party with the entire class till 3:30 am hosted by the school.
There are still tons of stuff left unsaid to some many people. I really should have hang out more instead of always studying that is a major regret. Though I have great friends and have hang out with the people I love the most so it's not like I didn't have great friends. Just that i want to keep those friends with me FOREVER cause even if I meet amazing people in life and college. High school friends are just as amazing.
Then the stuff left unsaid mainly to guys I never talk to like to:
valedictorian: I love your brillance, representing chinese well. Good Luck at princeton, go discovery some element or something. You have gotten so much hotter since 9th grade.
Another guy #1: Smart and my friends and I think you are hot but never told you.
Amazing guy who jokes with me all the time: I wish that you and your girlfriend stay together forever. You are so nice and kind. seriously the most Amazing guy i have ever met so far in my life. i will try to find a boyfriend JUST exactly like you. I envy your amazing girlfriend too who I love just as much. And I will miss you guys the most!!
and other people who I wished I got to know more and wished I hang out with different people more. Of course those who I am close with, I will keep in touch. it's those that I love but never actually went beyond in school friends.
OMG< I am so sad.........................College better be just as good or else I will just live in my high school memories.
OK< so I hated high school while I was in it because I was like some people are so fake and really mean. Yes i went through a serious depressed era because of mean people
BUT then there are some amazing people that loves me and that I absolutely love.
I love the bubble and safety of high school. Man it's over on the 17th.
School #1 is syracuse: has my major, gave me tons of money, basically have to pay 12,000 a year not bad for a 48,000 school. bad side is 8 hours from my house. that's fine only I am such a good daughter that I actually care about leaving my NON ENGLISH SPEAKING parents. Being the good daughter that I am, I like I can't go because i can't leave them because there will be times where I need to be close.
school #2 is Rutgers: which is really good. I visited I really liked it. They DON"T Have my major. like what the heck, it's the largest school in the state with 25,000 undergraduate. And their placement test will put my in algebra which will take me forever to get into calculus that means i can't major in economics until my third year of college. But there's just so much diversity lots of fun asian people which I want because I hate living in white surburbia all my life. asian music, dramas, dance, even bubble tea and stuff. so what if the school is separated my highways and a river and I have to use a bus system to get to classes. I like it. only have to pay 7,000 a year. sweet deal because people actually have heard of rutgers outside of NJ.
school #3: in state, The college of New Jersey 6,000. full of white preppy kids. I can deal with that since they are nice people. but absolutely no diversity. has my major. will be put into precalc so working to calc is better. can double major in economics. it's a really good school. harder to get into than school #2 rutgers but lesser known. Hey what chinese person isn't influenced by prestige. I mean not harvard or yale material but prestige or brand name helps in finding a job after college. pay about 10,000 a year. close to home.
School #4: My parents want me to go here because they keep recuiting me every sunday with phone calls to major in international business. they only accept 25 people into the program. it's in the middle of cow country about 3 hours from my house. literally nothing around except hersey the chocolate factory and dairy products factories. they guarantee internships. by the way, i want to major in international studies and economics NOT international business. Whatever, my parents are like you will be the superior student there instead of an average student elsewhere. BUT not diversity cow country??? gave me tons of money
see ideally, I would be going to school in manhattan but will have to pay 30,000 a year. or second choice American University in washington DC which is great for what i want to major in and the price isn't too bad 20,000 (again, my parents make nothing, too much in loans.) OMG< i need to pick now.
I guess in the long run, going to what college doesn't matter but i really want to make life long friends, have a good time with people that enjoy the same stuff that I do aka japanese music, chinese dramas.
it's like choicing a college is basically making a decision on the rest of my life or at least that's the way my parents look at it.
Decide between prestige, price and distance. Too bad I don't live in a state with many good schools.
Do I want to go 5 hours away to Syracuse university in NY state and pay $12,000 a year? Ranked 50th in country or around there
Do I want to go to a massive state school, Rutgers in new brunswick and pay $5,000? has 4 campuses. A river and a few highways run through it . even UC schools aren't set like this. Ranked 60th in country or around there
OR should I go to a small instate liberal arts school that nobody outside of new jersey knows about and pay $11,000. Only 1 hour away and is a good school.
OMG>>>>>>>>>if only I got into better schools than these>>>>>>if only one school over does the other pointblank. >>>>>>>>if only, someone gave me a free ride. If these things happened that this won't be so hard.
you know since i am chinese, chinese parents really care about the "prestigiousness" of the school. Well, I care too because it has rubbed off on me. I have no idea. HELP>>> if you have heard good things about any of the above schools, tell me.
Ok, my financial aid packages better come soon like tomorrow because it's mid march already so I should know how much schools are going to give me $$$ wise. I am a unlucky person who is like totally dependent on financial aid to go to college. ONLY 1 school replied back with the $$$ packages. the other 13 have not ( a lot of schools I know) BUT I filed in JANUARY!!!
I hate seeing how other people made their decisions already.
The long i don't get the financial aid packages the more paranoid I get. so now everyday for the past week I have been thinking:
1. they never got my application for aid (but US governments sends it to them)
2. They totally forgot about me thinking i never applied.
3. I screwed up somewhere along the process aka wrong botton, wrong application, wrong SS#, wrong address.
4. I am gonna get less aid because by the time they get to my applications no money is left in their fund.
5. The US mail service lost it and never delivered it to my house (which has happened before).
6. REALLY afraid I HAVE to resort to a LOCAL community college instead of a 4 year COLLEGE.
ok..... I can't do this anymore. College has been my life's focus to this day. it's the reason for never having real fun, being a good girl and boring person for the past 4 years.
SO they better arrive in the mail soon or else i am going insane.
1) I tried so hard... so hard and I still don't really understand the concept of anything in calc. I just understand kinda the surface to pass tests and quizzes. so when the midterm came, I deserve what i got because I never got the concept. At least I tried. that is all i can ask for. not gonna beat myself up, i do that enough already
2) waiting to hear from colleges that i want to go to..... still waiting........
3) what's up with kame in that drama. he plays an over weight boxer when he's like skinny!!!
4) i likely do pretty bad on my english midterm because it was super hard. teacher picked long passages out of hamlet and asked us what they mean out of the blue. and asked who said what line.
5) boy, i am so tired... no time for fangirling.
I have to say congratulation to me for being a JE fangirl for a year. Of course i haven't always been high on JE twenty four/seven but it's the first time I liked a group for longer than a couple of month.
I need to vent and rant. so off i go. again I turn to lj to write my hearst worries,troubles and sadness. it does seem as if i have a horrible life. BUT in reality, it is pretty decent with of course ups and lots of downs because i pick at everything. anyhow...
second of all. I get mad at stupid stuff. it's silly that they bother me but they do. so I posted this comment on a youtube video. Now, I have horrible grammar and spelling AND punctuation, I know all that. My lj entries are never correct. I just type. so, I basically typed this incoherent comment with the worst grammar and misspellings possible. i clicked submit , then reread and realized it's all wrong. so the next day, two message reach my in-box from other youtubers basically saying I suck because of my english. One was like, " english........" and the other was like, " it's just not your english, your grammar is all wrong. hahah"
It just really made me angry because I am KNOW english. I want to shout out, " I didn't spell check or revise OK! I am a honors english student!"
see, everything on the surface has something deeper underneath. In this case, I feel like I am presenting myself as stupid and incompetent because of my linguist abilities on youtube. it is just youtube, but these days i feel as if i am not doing anything well and this is one more little thing that triggered a big response. in a way it's kinda like if you shake a bottle of soda; it's bound to explode. this is just me exploding.
anyhow, it is 2008. need to fill out Financial aid stuff and send myself off to a good college!!! Hoping that goes wonderfully! and most important thing of all is just health. So I wish that my family can be healthy and happy. I would trade everything for good health.
ten day break from school. i have been lazy since friday. Literally nothing has been really done. I played a gazillion games of ping pong with my sister. watched a tackey drama(he's so HOT) and just sat on the couch. i don't care, finally time not to do anything and just SIT> you know what I mean, like time out for me. I need it to keep me sane.
i might be going to new york city on the 28th and staying for 3 days. I might also not because my sister is a bit clingy and i do want to spend time with her since I probably will be at college next year.
Anyhow. merry christmas and to all a good night.
By the way, christmas cards will be delayed because like i said, I have been lazy. and I need to get the perfect "stuff". i mean i would like to see if i can enhance my cards more. anyway, even if they do get to people like, please excuse my lateness and just enjoy it.
On top that, I just feel lousy mentally. I hate senior year. On top everything, half of the schools I applied to received only half of my stuff/information/transcript, I need to resend stuff to them. this is delaying my application!!!! Already delayed by a month!.
Anyhow. I feel stupid because i failed calculus again. I failed a statistics test too. I was so good at statistics, i got an A! Like right now it's not even after failing two tests. It's more about how I discovered that I am actually not that smart and that the sky is NOT the limit. I mean screw being at the top of the class, what that does have to do with anything. If I don't get calculus, physics and all things math/science related that cancels out about half of my options. So there are limits in life. I can't be a engineer, a doctor, an astronaut, a marine biologist. Not that I desire to be anything of those things but I just realized that not being good at something limits you. I use to think if I just do well in school, I will have so many options. Now I finally discover that in reality I only have a limited amount of options.
i spend 4 years of high school just studying everyday trying to be the best students just to get into a great college. I did all that because my parents told me so and I really believed in myself. Well, now i find out that I didn't even need to work that hard because the people that partied and smoked pot and slept around are getting into some decent schools too! maybe I am just thinking too much and talking myself down. But seriously, the amount of stuff i think about is quite overwhelming. once I get thinking, one thing leads to another and it's stop until i come full circle.
After realizing I suck at math and science. I realized i am not good at english either. i am a B student in english. i am only good at history but that just a class that you can memorize. Anyone who is good in school can be good in history. So i basically have no academic talent. I just can sit down, have no life and study. lots of people can not do homework and still get good grades. I can't do that. I study for hours.
So then i started to think If i really do bad senior year like failed calculus, I might get kicked out of schools that have already accepted me. So like the worrier I am, I am so afraid that after I send my deposits in and everything, I will receive a letter in July telling me that my senior year grades are too bad. Don't let that happen.
I think too much. Sometimes I wish I was naive. Innocence is bliss.
OMG, I haven't been on lj for ages. this time i am not here to complain.
i downloaded kat-tun cartoon 2007 tokyo dome concert. this is like the 1st kat-tun thing i have downloaded since september. IT WAS SO AMAZING. THE CROWD, THE FANS, THE MUSIC, THE MOVING STAGES, THE FAN SERVICE, THE K, A, T,-, T, U, N. EVERYTHING
I am so jealous of grace. can't believe you were in there, in the crowd.
even if i sat far away and can't see their faces, it's worth the money to experience the atmosphere of a KAT-TUN concert. UNBELIEVEABLE>CAN"T COMPARE TO ANYTHING.
my favorite was when they each thanked the audience. wish i knew what they said. I loved it when they bowed, so polite and appreciative.
I STILL LOVE Kame. I love taguchi's hair. I love Ueda, don't know why but i do, I love Koki's gansta image but is a sweet heart, I love Nakamaru's beatboxing, I love Jin's " I am so hot ". vibe
STILL A FAN after more than 1 year. that's says something since i usually get really bored with music.
========================
schools good. making progress on calc. job's good too. just NEVER GETS ENOUGH SLEEP!!!
colleges are OK. still applying, waiting to hear. Really realized that i am not getting into any school in the top tier but it's fine. I am thankful for whatever i get, whereever I go, whoever I have. just thankful that i am not in a third world country facing poverty with the knowledge of what a DREAM is.
----------------------
Happy thanksgiving everyone. BE THANKFUL FOR WHAT YOUR HAVE TODAY! MANY out there has it worst , think positive!
i don't know what else to say except I got 2 detentions. It makes me mad as hell and i want to use a string of bad works like F*** to describe how unjust this teacher is. But i will save myself. I know i am way overreacting to this.
Anyhow i am not looking for people to say "aww, it's ok" or "your teacher is a BITCH" or " i agree with you, she is wrong"
it's not even about having to sit there for an hour and half for detention. It bugs me that detention means punishment. I have not been punished by anyone since first grade in CHINA where the teachers hit you with sticks. I am A GOOD student, one of the few that hasn't tried anything not even alcohol!!!!! I have not cut a class. NOTHING> now I am being "punished".
i have a problem with that. i don't get punished, at least not by her for being 1 minute late to class. I get a ride with my friend who picks me up. we walk to this class together because she's in it too. She goes into the class, i go to my locker which is next to the class, THEN I walk into class. friend enters before bell, i enter RIGHT after bell. people are not even focus yet and it counts as LATE! i am being juvenile, i know.
actually it's quite funny after you think about it. i think it's funny i am being punish so i am moving between angry and laughter. maybe i'll like detention. before i graduate, i am gonna be late to her class the last 3 days of class. 3 lates = 2 detension.
I am so tired and I know everyone else is.
I feel like such a complainer.
apply to colleges, take SAT, school work, medical science academy that's suppose to make me want to be a doctor but discovered i don't want a career in medicine. at least i have found out that I want to be a liberal arts major and travel the world just helping people. people who are stuck because of reasons and lack of resources beyond their control. people who can't go to school who can't see a doctor people who can't improve and prosper. that is what i want to do! be a humanitarian. sounds easy but hard. if i don't get a job with a liberal arts degree my parents will freak
what else, work is going good. not affecting my school work.
only thing affecting school is medical science academy that takes me out of school twice a week for an hour and half every tuesday and thursday. need to get a break or quit.
maybe quit spanish because even after 4 years and iam in AP i still can't remember anything beyond present tense. i fall asleep or zone out every time i am in class and i am not even in class because of the medical academy thing.
got to figure out my life but i guess my life is pretty great considering i am not depressed, not on drugs. i am proud that i am still focused on my dream and future.
wish everyone the best this year. i'll check in periodically.
shout out to lisa, hope you house renovations went well and will be back in it soon.
Yessenia, good luck with your college stuff too.
Grace, good luck with work. i know you can do it!
Other kame/kat-tun fans, fangirl in my absence.
Anyone else reading this, sorry my entry depressed you or what not. have a nice day!
Senior year is not fun. It's pretty boring and bad right now. it'll get better but right now i am feeling pretty blue.
last year was hard but at least I had motivation. this year, I am just all blahhh.
I failed my Calculus test with a 0% literally because I didn't know how to do a single problem. everyone was saying how this new teacher didn't know how to teach and all. Many people don't understand it but apparently they still understood more than me. I cried right afterwards for half an hour not because I failed but because I anticipated myself to better than this. i thought I can be at least decent in math and science. i have realized i have gone as far as I can go in both subjects. Out goes the dreams of being anything science/math related. that saddens me. i was bad at math BUT my absolute worst was still around the low C to high D range with maybe a few F's in the course of 4 years. So I like lost control and just Cried. i don't know what to do. extra help is difficult because of work and activities but i'll figure it out. I am not DROPPING this class!
Physic is almost as sucky because this teacher is just nuts. I can't learn from the way she teaches. she made us take a quiz on the directions of the labs before we do them. so the questions are like, " in the directions of the lab, how many trials does it say to conduct". what the heck? I read but asking me to remember how many trials they said is just unreasonable.
English is too deep. the discussions are so intense everyone freezes.
other than that i am fine. God please let me make it through. It's only the 10th day of school i am I already have senioritis. I need to do well this year because i don't want to be accepted then rejected over the summer because my final grades suck.
You know your life is boring when the MOST exciting thing is going to new york city about 3 times a year. Seriously.
NYC long story short was great as always. i swear Japanese people are good looking around Manhattan especially the midtown J folks. Anyhow I went into this book store called Book Off USA. It's a japanese used book store with Tons of CDs,DVDs, Comics, novels, Magazines for sale in good condition. the english novels are only like 1 dollar.
Anyhow when I was entering the store through the door I wasn't paying attention and kept pulling on the handle like 2 times. This guy came up behind me, I think there was a girl with him.... anyhow he said one word to me,"Push".
Sure enough, next to the handle in english is the world Push. I didn't care at that moment but went I thought about it, it was kinda embarrassing. lame story I know but I have a boring life so even that is interesting
This school year, I am loading with hard classes like calculus, statistics.... I am not even good at math and I don't know why I am taking them other than trying to impress colleges. Plus I have work everyday from 3:30 to 6:30. Also am a teacher's assistant at chinese school on Sundays. Also doing a medicial academy thing where there they teach you stuff about medical field. I am trying that as a career decider. That's on Tues and Thurs fro 2;00 to 3:30. I'll have to miss a bit of work and 2.5 classes in school for this. It better be worth it!!
I am so gonna be dying this senior year. Why? because I want to impress colleges.
I am not updated on JE at all, not updated on Yamapi or J doramas. I know nothing.
This video is of what I believe to be a real confession of love between two not so famous taiwanese celebrities. The girl 小甜甜 is usually always made fun of when she goes on shows because she is the only "Fat" girl in the celebrity world of taiwan. But she's takes abuse because at least it has made her kinda of famous because people are intested in talking about how fat and ugly she is to get ratings. Anyhow we all know that asians are skinny, to be average an asian girl should be around 100 pounds. Anyhow here in this video, the guy 高山峰 just said that they hang out, she's nice to be around and that there is a possibility of them developing a relationship. She says she loves him.
So simple yet so moving because taiwanese guys or guys in general are really blinded by "BEAUTY". I am not saying the average taiwanese guy is that way but no celebrity needs to look at someone heavier than 100 pounds. And I am so happy there is still a cool good looking guy out there that looks beyond the weight. personally I don't think she is FAT, she chubby but not fat to the point of disgusting.
I hope they can be together or at least be really good friends because what It show in this clip is not something i see every day. usually it's handsome + beautiful. and this time it seems like a fairy tale almost.
Any suggestions to what virus protection I should use? What do you use that you think is good and have never gotten anything with??
Hey, free is great too!
please help me out. Must be virus free. sorry for not being life or JE related. thanks again
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